Before I find what is lost I have to discover what is missing. I have a 180 pound body, with fresh water and soap to cleanse myself. I have a warm house, next to two of my best friends that I grew up with as a child. I have a loving mom and dad, who would go to the end of time just to bring me back one minute. Still, I sit here dissatisfied, searching for something that I've never possessed. As I look around I see people who have supported me, people who have made me angry, and people who have me so confused I'm not quite sure where we stand. After a long Monday, I wanted to just get away. Bad news and bad test grades had fatigued me throughout the day. Finally I had time to reflect. My mind was rushed all day and now that I was getting closer to home, things began to slow down a bit.
I pulled up in front of my house and threw my head back, trying to relax the urge of anger that was ticking like a bomb beneath my calm surface. Emotions are the weakest part of the human existence, and mine were getting the best of me. My relaxed state that had comforted me for seconds vanished. I opened my eyes and slammed my fists on my steering wheel. It felt good, and I wanted to feel the anger more. As I got out of my car I slammed the door, again I could feel satisfaction from releasing my anger, and again it was relieving. I myself though, try not to bring to much negativity towards other peoples positive day. So while throwing my backpack around my shoulder I began to calm my mind again as I headed for my front door. Opening the door though, memories passed through my mind and again slamming my backpack on the ground came as very satisfying.
I walked to the fridge but my apatite wasn't sparked as usual by the bright light that glowed upon all the tasty treats. I truly just need to rest I thought, so I walked into my den where I kicked up my feet to lay on the couch. My mind still couldn't evade the thoughts of the day, but my eyes were heavy almost as if they wanted to just put me out of my stress and escape me to my dreams. Right before I was about to fall into a deep sleep I hear the front door open, my mom was finally home from tennis. "Hey boys," she yelled, I didn't reply. She shuffled around the house but finally made her way into the den. "I guess dad's asleep?" she asked, "I guess" I replied. "Have you been watching the Steelers". "No" I said. I flipped the channel to 46 where the Steelers 3rd quarter was about to begin. The Steelers were up by 13 but on that day I couldn't of cared any less.
The next twenty minutes was followed by zero conversation. Finally my mom broke the silence "honey what wrong". The question only angered me so I didn't reply."Your abnormally quite tonight" she continued. "I had a rough day" I say. "Well what happened.""I don't know" again I was just trying to wave her off, I really didn't want the mom questioning antidote. "well is it a personal thing, is it a school thing,""Its a combination of them all" I solemnly replied. My fatigue and frustration was boiling again, I really didn't want her to help me. "mom please, let me figure this out on my own.""Well if you need to talk" she left it at that. I got up and waled to my room, then to the bathroom. I don't recall doing anything in either room, I was trying to escape my mind and couldn't focus on my physical actions. I went, laid down on my bed, and turned off the lights. My mind shifted from the day to the conversation with my mom. I was tired but I felt bad for what had just happened. My mom had tried to be sympathetic but I denied her. All she wanted to do was know what was wrong, but truly I wasn't to sure myself.
Though my legs were sore and my mind unclear I got out of bed. I walked through my hallway past the kitchen and into the den. "Good night mom" I said. "Your going to bed?" "Yea I'm ready to get this day over with." "Okay then night, love you." "I love you too" and with that I turned back around. I walked through the kitchen and back down the hallway. I entered my room and stood at the foot of my bed facing the inviting covers I was about to dive into. A quick moment of pleasure hit me, as I was satisfied that I had not ended the night arguing with my mom. At first when she began to try and help me I wanted no part of it, but through the little conversation, I actually felt a little bit better. On this Monday I was taking all I could get, so on that thought I collapsed into my covers, my eyes closed, and I drifted into my Tuesday.
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